


Seasons of Love

by captainamergirl



Category: One Life to Live
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Mixing Metaphors, Short Story, Tangled Webs, Troubled Waters, We Do Weave, just read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-16 15:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14814279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/captainamergirl
Summary: Seasons change. So does love.





	1. Chapter 1

**** Seasons of Love  
Cole/Langston   
  
When she got the call from Blair Cramer telling her that he was gone, really gone (this time forever), she wept. Wept like she never had before; like she never would have even thought was possible. She had lost people she loved before – her dear parents, for starters – but this felt oddly different. There were so many emotions besides just grief wrapped around this ticking time bomb she called her deepest, darkest secret – shame, self-hatred, longing, longing to forget, longing to never forget, heartbreak, fear, guilt … love. She had loved him. Yes, she had. Deep down in the recesses of her heart in a secret place she had never shown anyone but him. It was wrong to love him, to want him, to need him, as much as she had. After all, he was her best friend’s soulmate and her boyfriend’s kindred spirit. She had had no right to feel the things she had from practically the moment they had met. She had encouraged Starr to be with Cole because she had never believed she would have a chance with someone like him. And she hadn’t. Not until that autumn when they were both in counseling over losing their parents and he was using drugs and the whole world was falling apart, could they reach out to each other the way she had always secretly wished they could.   
  
She sits by the fire now. It’s nearly 75 degrees on a sunny spring day in Los Angles, and she’s never felt so chilled. The only thoughts that warm her slightly are the ones where she closes her eyes and pictures him in that moment -- the moment when he’s hovering over her, his breath warm on her cheek, her name on his lips, his eyes hooded with desire for her. She remembers him pressing down on her, kissing her shoulder, telling her that once the barrier between them was severed, she would enjoy this. _She did._   
  
Even feeling so cold as tears run down her face, the memory of his touch warms her cheeks a bit with red. He had been so gentle, so surprisingly gentle, not anything like the abrasive jerk everyone made him out to be. It had been a special night but one they never spoke of to anyone. One they didn’t even mention to each other. It had been a fluke, a moment of desperation on his part, and a wish fulfillment on hers. But sometimes when he would look at her in a certain way, she thought he remembered it too. His eyes would grow a little darker and his eyelids would drop a hairsbreadth and the look on his face would make her heart race…   
  
And now it was really over. He was really, really gone. She sat and cried for what seemed like hours before Markko bustled into the apartment and found her. He immediately scooped her into his loving embrace and asked her what was wrong. He had been at the movie studio all day, sequestered in a meeting, and he had no idea. She had to break the news to him that his very best friend in the world was gone. She should have left it there too. But she wasn’t comforted by Markko's familiar touch tonight. And her tongue started racing away with her and as they both huddled by the fire in their “dream apartment”, she prepared to tell him about the worst and best night of her life. The night she and Cole Thornhart had made love for the first and last time … 


	2. Chapter 2

**Seasons of Love  
(Markko/Langston)**   
  
He hadn’t come home that night expecting to find his girlfriend huddled by the fireplace, shivering visibly, Cole’s name on her lips. He hadn’t expected her to tell him that his best friend was dead and this time for real. He definitely hadn’t expected Langston to start rambling about a night of passion she had shared with Cole four summers before. He hadn’t expected to cry that night or come to instantly despise the sight of Langston and hate the memory of Cole. He hadn’t expected to walk out of there while she called after him, begged him tearfully, not to go. And he hadn’t expected to open the door at his motel this morning and find her standing there. There were a lot things that he had expected to happen in his life but this … none of this was supposed to be a part of his reality. He never could have imagined it in his worst nightmares.   
  
“We need to talk,” she said, sticking her Converse-clad left foot in the crook of the door before he could shut it. He considered picking her up and tossing her to the curb but he wasn’t a violent guy. He couldn’t imagine hurting Langston, even if she had hurt him in the worst way imaginable. Even if she had shattered his very last belief in the dual farce known as abiding friendship and true love.   
  
“We have nothing to talk about,” he said and started to close the door again but she stubbornly pushed it back. “Dammit, Langston!”   
  
“Be angry, okay, be angry as hell, but please don’t shut me out for good.”   
  
“You shut me out the moment you did … what you did with Cole.”   
  
“I am so sorry I hurt you. That’s what I regret the most.”   
  
“Oh but you don’t regret sleeping with Cole and keeping it a secret, do you?” he challenged her and she looked away for a second, long enough for him to know the truth.    
  
“You know what hurts the most, Langston? That Cole’s dead and I can’t even miss him; I can’t even mourn him because of what you two did. I don’t love my own best friend anymore. You robbed me of that. Damn you!”   
  
Tears filled her hazel eyes. “I don’t know what else to say.”   
  
“You said it all,” he said bitterly. “You can leave now.”   
  
She grasped his arm and he willed himself not to be drawn in by the warmth of her fingers. But realizing they had been on his best friend in the most intimate of places, cured Markko of his desire for her right then and there. _Or so he told himself._   
  
“Markko, please. Just give me five minutes to talk.”   
  
“I don’t have five minutes. I have somewhere I need to be.” He then pointedly picked up his suitcase and laptop case and pushed past her. “You can stay here for all I care. Hey, invite over some other guys while I’m gone. Twist the knife a little more, Langston. Now I know that I never satisfied you.”   
  
He heard a muffled sob behind him and she called out, “I deserve that.”   
  
“Yeah, yeah, you do.” But he still didn’t relish hurting her. He hated her but a part of him still loved her too. Unlike her, he couldn’t turn his feelings on and off like a faucet.   
  
“Where are you going? I want to at least know you’re safe.”   
  
“I’m going home,” he tossed over his shoulder, pausing in his tracks but not turning around. He didn’t dare look at her right now.   
  
“Back to Llanview… Are you going to tell Starr about …?”   
  
“I don’t know,” he said. Half of him wanted to do just that, just to spite her, just to destroy her the way she had him, but he also didn’t want Starr to be hurt any further. She was hardcore mourning that bastard Cole, as well as her precious daughter, Hope.   
  
“Do what you have to do,” Langston said. “The whole world deserves to know what I am.” He then heard her retreating footsteps. He looked back once to see that she was gone. She was really gone. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Markko/Starr**   
  
He stood at the back of the church as he listened to Starr tearfully eulogize Cole and Hope. Every time she mentioned what a devoted, wonderful man Cole had been, Markko felt physically ill. If only Starr knew the truth. If only she knew the man she had loved for so many years was nothing but a pathetic cheater. However, Markko had made up his mind on the plane ride over that he wasn’t going to tell her the truth. Even when Starr had tearfully met him at the airport and asked for Langston, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her why Langston hadn’t come. He had made up some lame excuse and Starr fortunately hadn’t pressured him then to talk though he knew that  _she_ knew that something was really wrong.   
  
Following the service, Starr and Markko huddled up in his motel room for a long time, holding each other as tears ran down Starr’s face. Markko hated that he couldn’t feel any emotion but hatred for Cole right now. In life, he and Cole had been like brothers, or so Markko had stupidly believed, but he couldn’t bring himself to mourn his dead cohort.   
  
Starr rested her head on his shoulder for the longest time as she cried and he sat there stiffly. Finally, she turned to him and asked about Langston again. “You two are having problems, huh?”   
  
He couldn’t lie about that. “We broke up.”   
  
“Oh Markko, why? You love each other.”   
  
“I thought we did, but it was all a lie,” he bit out. He then shook his head as she peered up at him questioningly. “Never mind.” He then stood and moved over to his window, watching the rain coming down just beyond the glass.   
  
“No -- not never mind, Markko,” Starr said. “I hoped that if I couldn’t have my happy ending with Cole, at least you and Lang would get yours. You two deserve it.”   
  
Markko shook his head. “It’s too late for that now. Everything is ruined.”   
  
“You can make up! You have to. Cole and I had to wait so long and now there’s not another chance for us. Don’t waste your time being mad at Langston for some imagined wrong.”   
  
“It’s so easy for you to say,” Markko spat. “Because you don’t know what happened.”   
  
“Tell me then,” Starr said and moved over to him, tugging on his shirt until he turned to face her with tears in his eyes. “Oh god… Was there another guy?”   
  
He just nodded. She reached out and gently wiped away the single tear that traveled down his cheek. “Oh, Markko, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. Who…?”   
  
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now.”   
  
“You’re hurting. Of course it matters, but I am sure it was a big mistake. I am sure Langston feels so bad for what she did. She’s not some serial cheater that –“   
  
“Ford and this guy ... That makes two now that I know of,” Markko said pointedly. “That tells me exactly how she really feels about me.”   
  
Starr shook her head adamantly. “No, I don’t believe that. Langston loves you. I want you two to make things right. Please, do it for me, but especially do it for Cole.”   
  
He was never going to say a word, he had promised himself he wouldn’t, but when Starr asked him to make things right for Cole’s sake, he couldn’t resist snapping, “That’s rich since Cole’s the reason Langston and I –“ He tried to break off then before he said anymore, but the damage was already done.   
  
She backed up with her hand over her mouth until she hit the wall. “Ohmigod. You’re … Markko, you have to be mistaken or something. Cause Langston and Cole… They would never …”   
  
“Just forget I said anything,” he implored her.   
  
“Did Langston admit that? When did it happen? When Cole and I were together?” He didn’t answer and she moved back to him, tugging his arm and screaming, “Tell me, Markko. Dammit, tell me the truth!”   
  
He looked at his feet for a long moment, unable to face her shock and grief. “It was around the time they were in grief counseling. Her parents were dead and Cole’s mom –“   
  
“Ohmigod! I asked them … Remember I thought they were sleeping together. I even confronted them about it at the party they threw for me. But they denied it. They denied it and I apologized to them for jumping to 'the wrong conclusion' … Ohmigod, Markko, _ohmigod!”_   
  
She turned then and ran sobbing out of his motel room. He considered chasing after her but knew there was not a damn thing he could say to make her feel better. He had done what he swore he wouldn’t. He was a vow breaker and a liar -- no better than Cole and Langston at all. 


	4. Chapter 4

**** Seasons of Love  
(Cole/Starr)   
  
She would have gone to his gravesite if he had had one; but instead she found herself driving to the one place where she had once felt most connected with Cole -- mind, body and soul. She sat in the car for the longest time, just watching the place.  _Langston’s old house._ How ironically appropriate. She wondered if that was where Cole had brought her so-called best friend for their illicit hookup. She shook her head. Scratch that; she didn’t even want to know. She had come here to make peace somehow and that’s what she intended to do. It had been three days since Markko had told her of Cole and Langston’s liaison and she still felt sick over it. She had even called Langston and left a message on her voice mail, railing at her tearfully. She wanted to speak to Langston in person but wasn’t sure even that would make this anger and rage and heartbreak dissipate. Maybe nothing could but she had to try.   
  
She took a long, deep breath and then slowly climbed out of the car. She moved cautiously towards the dilapidated estate as if she expected some ghost to pop out at her. As it was, the ghosts of the past and the memories were everywhere, haunting her anyway.   
  
She made it across the street and walked up to the front door. She tried jimmying the lock on the door but it wouldn’t open. She finally rested her forehead against the cool glass of the front window and looked in at the front room. She could remember exactly where Cole and she had stood as they kissed and decided to take their amorous intentions to the bedroom. They had created Hope that night. Their darling daughter and she was gone too. Dammit. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.   
  
Starr slammed her fists against the glass so hard it rattled. She then stepped back off the porch and grabbed a rock and hurled it towards the house. It cracked the shutter on one of the front bedroom windows, causing it to come loose and fall to the ground. But she wasn’t done. Not by a long shot.   
  
She picked up rock after rock and began pelting the house. If anyone were around, they would have called the cops on her and thought she was batshit crazy and she wouldn’t have even cared.   
  
One rock took down the mailbox and still another took out a window. She hurled and hurled rocks until she couldn’t move anymore and sunk to the ground in a heap of misery and exhaustion.   
  
“Why, Cole -- why Langston?” she sobbed out the question as if she expected an answer but there was no reply, naturally. “Why my best friend? Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why did you have to make me love you and then rip it all away?  _Fuck you, Cole Thornhart!”_   Tears rolled down her face. “You’re not the man I thought you were. Not at all. Maybe my uncle Victor was right and you were toxic to me… All I know is that I really want to hit you for this but I can’t because you died. You and my baby girl are dead. I want to know why I still love you, Cole, after all you did. When are you going to let me go? Why did you have to die on me? Why? Why couldn’t you take me with you and Hope? How could you be so selfish to die and leave me suffering like this? Did you ever love me at all?”   
  
There were so many questions but absolutely no answers. She sat there for the longest time, even after a gentle rain began to fall, dousing her hair and clothes. She just sat in the mud and cried so much that she didn’t know where her tears ended and the drizzle began. She stayed for hours and only pulled herself up when she realized that her parents would be freaking out about her. She didn’t want her dad going off half-cocked on a rampage to right all the wrongs done to her. Because there was no way anyone could make any of this better. No way in hell. 


	5. Chapter 5

Four seasons had come and gone since the fateful night Langston revealed that she and Cole had had an affair. In their separate parts of the world, Markko, Starr and Langston came to know the bleakness of winter, the promise of spring, the fullness of summer, and the harvest of autumn. Eventually spring did roll around again and it was a season full of hope. It had been over a year since Cole’s death and Langston wanted her friends back; she wanted her  _family_   back. She hoped she could find the right words to tell them how much she missed them. She had met a guy named Hunter and they were getting along well. He wasn’t Markko but she realized no one else ever would be. He wasn’t Cole either but she was realizing that she had loved the idea of Cole more than she had ever loved the man himself. He had represented the unattainable, the forbidden, the fire she had wanted to be burnt by just once. And she had been. Just years later. She was ready to put the past behind them, but would they ever accept her into their lives again? She had no choice but to try because she missed Markko and Starr so much. So, so much…   
  
XoXoXo   
  
She went back to Llanview. Her home. As she walked the streets she had travelled as a child, she realized how much she had missed this place. She knew Markko was living in a loft near the outskirts of town, coming up with ideas for his brilliant scripts. She walked there the first day she arrived and knocked on his door.   
  
She waited anxiously, bouncing on the balls of her feet, until he opened the door. When he finally did, she was afraid he was going to toss her to the curb like trash but he actually invited her in.   
  
“What are you doing here, Langston?” He asked.   
  
Langston shifted from foot to foot. “I missed you,” she said. It was just three words but it said so much – maybe more than Markko was ready to hear. But once again he surprised her.   
  
“I missed you too,” he said. “But you know there’s no going back for us.”   
  
Langston nodded. “I know. I actually … met someone.”   
  
“Me too,” Markko admitted.   
  
“Wow that’s great. I hope she treats you … a lot better than I did.”   
  
“Gretchen treats me well,” Markko said. “I am actually really happy with her. For the first time I’m not looking over my shoulder wondering when the other shoe is going to drop.”   
  
“You love her?”   
  
Markko nodded. “Yeah I do. What about you and your guy?”   
  
Langston shrugged. “It’s not true love, but I really enjoy his company at least. I had true love once and spoiled it really bad.”   
  
“Lang –"   
  
“I’m not here, Markko, to try to win you back. At least, not into a romantic relationship. I just miss us. Our friendship. The way we could just be, you know. I miss Starr and you, my best friends ever that I can’t and don’t want to replace. I know I don’t deserve another chance with you two. I know I screwed up so badly but I miss you guys. If there’s any way I could ever make up for what I did, I want to try.”   
  
“Why now?”   
  
“Because my life is so incredibly empty without you two. And because sometimes I just wonder if you two miss me as well.”   
  
Markko slowly nodded. “We do. I talk to Starr a lot. She misses you too, Langston, even if she isn’t ready to tell you so.”   
  
“Do you think she ever will be?” Langston asked as tears moistened her eyes at the idea, the hope, of having Starr back in her life.   
  
“I don’t know. I suppose you have to ask her. She’s coming down this weekend to introduce me to her ‘new friend’.”   
  
“Wow. She met someone too, huh?”   
  
“Yeah, although she insists they are just friends right now. But I don’t think any of us does ‘alone’ very well.”   
  
Langston smiled a bit. “You’re right, we don’t… Look, Markko, I just want to spend some time with you and her, just the three of us, can you arrange it? I know I shouldn’t ask-“   
  
Markko nodded. “I think it can be arranged,” he said.   
  
XoXoXo   
  
The rest of the week passed slowly. Langston was sure Starr was going to refuse to see her and she cried about it. It wasn’t until Sunday afternoon when she was thinking about heading back to California when Starr finally reached out to her and Langston reached back. Langston had been _thisclose_ to booking a flight home when there was suddenly a knock at the door of her room at The Palace.   
  
She heard someone call out “Room Service” and she shook her head. She hadn’t ordered Room Service.   
  
But still she went to the door and opened it. She was shocked to see Markko standing there with none other than Starr. Markko had a triumphant smile on his attractive face and while Starr looked sheepish, she was smiling a little too. “Starr?” Langston choked out over the emotion that was building in her throat.   
  
“Hey, Lang,” Starr said. “Sorry that we just dropped by like this but-“   
  
Langston shook her head. “No, don’t be sorry. I am so glad you’re here. Come in.” She ushered her two old friends into her room and they gathered in the suite’s sitting room.   
  
The conversation was stilted at first. They asked each other about mundane things (like “what do you think of this weather?”) but when Langston realized she could take the small-talk no longer, she found it in herself to apologize.   
  
“Starr, I am so sorry for hurting you and Markko. I will regret that until the day I die.” Her eyes sheened with tears as did Starr’s.   
  
“Did you love Cole?” Starr asked, twisting her hands in her lap.   
  
“Honestly, I think I loved the idea of him,” Langston said and saw Starr’s expression crumple. “But he didn’t love me anyway. He always, always loved you, Starr, and only you.”   
  
“How could he do that to me then?” Starr asked, imploring Langston to make her understand.   
  
“I think he was just broken over losing his mother and you two were having some problems. He just needed to reach out to someone, anyone, and I was there.”   
  
“Yeah you were,” Starr said and for a moment she looked extremely bitter before shaking her head. “I just don’t want to be angry anymore. I don’t want to keep hating Cole. He’s gone forever as is my sweet daughter. I want to be able to mourn them without being angry … I want to remember Cole as the great father he was and yes, he was the love of my life.”   
  
Langston nodded. “I am sorry I wasn’t there for the funeral service. I just didn’t think you’d want me to be when you found out.”   
  
“I needed you there, Langston. I needed my best friend.”   
  
A tear dripped down Langston’s cheek. She didn’t know what to say anymore.   
  
“I still need my best friend,” Starr finally continued and to Langston’s shock, Starr reached out and clutched her hand. “I still need you, I really do. I don’t know how sometimes I will make it through this. You and Markko … I need you both so much.”   
  
“We’ll be there,” Markko said, finally speaking up. He squeezed Starr’s other hand.   
  
“We will,” Langston agreed. “Nothing will come between us again because I won’t let it.”   
  
The tension between them lasted awhile longer but slowly they began to really open up to each other. The accusations and anger and resentment seemed to melt away during the long hours they spent talking and eventually it was just three best friends sharing their lives together, once again. By the time Starr and Markko were ready to leave for the night, Langston knew three things for sure. One, she had been forgiven somehow by her friends, deserving or not. Two, she would never hurt them that way ever again. And three, she knew that they were all going to be just fine. Yes, just fine.    
  
A new season had arrived and it was time to embrace it.   
  
FINIS 


End file.
